Hello World


“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”
― Oscar Wilde

Masturbating Monday

With the power vested in me from dirty girls everywhere, I declare Mondays: Masturbating Mondays. So go ahead and plan that alone time, grab the rubber ducky, and get ready to dive in. Oh, did your mind just travel someplace wet… you dirty girl.

Now, announce it to the world!


Not quiet ready to announce to the world, you masturbate on Mondays? You are not alone as most women treat it like their dirty little secret. Unlike men, who boast of how well their hands work even to the point of naming their “beating the monkey” time. Can you see a soccer-mom giggling and telling the other moms, “I’m going home to pounce on my pudding tang.” Yeah, she would be branded a whore.

Cause you know how masturbating is really sleeping around…with your hand. Not. Yet, that is how society labels us: hand whores.

Woman, what do we do? We make jokes and then we go home and hide under the cover hoping our fingers don’t rot off.

I will admit, very sadly, I did not touch myself until my mid-twenties. Perhaps, it was marrying too young, or a strict religious upbringing, but masturbation was a no-no.

Then one day it happened. Alone on the couch under the covers, my hand stumbled into virgin masturbating territory, and since then a new happier me evolved. Really… happier.

So go ahead, plan some alone time and touch yourself. Be a hand whore! In fact, per Dr. Oz., it is healthy. Really, check his article out on orgasms.

So go ahead and pounce on your pudding tang, cause it’s Monday! Hand whores unite.

Dr. Oz Orgasm Quiz


Welcome to my blog, The Toy Lady Writes. In these pages you will find what makes me tick and perhaps what makes me a little shy of crazy.  And yes, I sell those toys that go buzz in the night.

I have had over 50 pieces published in various venues, and was editor of The Old Red Kimono for two years. Please browse my publications for a glimpse of some of my work. You can also Google:  Kelly Haas Doegg or Kelly Haas Shackelford for more pieces.

The Dirty Diary is a secret love affair I am having with a fictional character….ssshhh don’t tell my husband, he might want in on the action! Just kidding! It showcases, Kass Costello and her private thoughts as she runs a bail bonds company for the paranormal community.  Down and Dirty in Georgia is my current Work-In-Progress which is a novella featuring Kass. Please stay tuned every Tuesday  for more diary entries and tidbits on the Novella.

Hump day got you down? Check out our Dirty Girl Cooks weekly recipe, sure to be cheap and easy! Thirsty for knowledge Thursday, brings Dirty Girl Reviews, where we take a dirty girl spin on a current media piece.

Please share your thoughts or suggestions!


4 thoughts on “Hello World

  1. All hail Masturbating Mondays. You’re so right, we don’t discuss this openly for some reason, and it’s the most natural thing in the world. Thank you for the forthrightness as always, Kelly.


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